Description
Try to find the problem in each paraphrase and edit it. The first one is completed to give you an example.
EXAMPLE
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Original:
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Tides are caused by the gravitational pull of both the Sun and the Moon.
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Paraphrase:
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Tides are produced by the gravitational pull of both the Sun and the Moon.
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Problem:
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The paraphrase is too much like the original.
Only one word was changed.
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Edited Paraphrase:
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The combined gravitational effects of the Sun and Moon produce tides on Earth.
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Why is this better? Because synonyms have been substituted, and an alternative grammatical structure has been used, but the meaning has not changed.
1. Original: Proteins are molecules that regulate the movement of materials across cell walls.
Paraphrase: Molecules that regulate the movement of materials across cell walls are proteins.
Problem:The paraphrase is too much like the original. Only the subject and complement have been reversed in this alternative grammatical structure.
Edited Paraphrase: Molecules that function as regulators in the transmission of substances across cell walls are known as proteins.
Why is this better? Because synonyms have been substituted for all the nontechnical vocabulary and the subject and complement are reversed in an alternative grammatical structure.
2. Original: The invention of the steam engine played a major role in the Industrial Revolution because it caused the factory system to extend itself to many areas of production apart from the cotton industry.
Paraphrase: The invention of the steam engine was a primary influence in the Industrial Revolution.
Problem: The paraphrase is not complete. Information about the factory system and the cotton industry are not included.
Edited Paraphrase: The factory system spread across a large number of enterprises in addition to cotton manufacturing as a result of the introduction of steam engines.
Why is this better? Because the relationship between cause and effect has been retained using different vocabulary and grammar, and both the factory system and the cotton industry are included.
3. Original: Although big companies are trying to maintain a balance between traditional advertising and some of the newer alternatives like blogging, it is often the smaller entrepreneurs who are using bloggers as an efficient way to stack their competition.
Paraphrase: Big companies are using bloggers to defeat their smaller rivals.
Problem: The paraphrase is not correct. The meaning has been changed.
Edited Paraphrase: Small enterprises are frequently using bloggers to compete effectively with large businesses that are still employing more conventional marketing strategies as well as some of the more recent options.
Why is this better? Because the meaning of the original sentence has been retained.
4. Original: Fossils of bones have the appearance of stone, but the holes and pores are actually infused with mineral deposits from the surrounding sediments.
Paraphrase: Fossils of bones look like stone, but there are mineral deposits from the surrounding sediments in the holes and pores.
Problem: The paraphrase is too much like the original. Too many words and phrases are the same, and the grammatical structure is too similar.
Edited Paraphrase: Although fossilized bones may look like stone, minerals from sedimentary material fill the spaces.
Why is this better? Because synonyms have been substituted for all the nontechnical vocabulary, and the subject and complement are reversed in an alternative grammatical structure.
5. Original: Pictograms found in many parts of the world about 1500 B.C. constitute the earliest system of writing, although written symbols have been discovered that date from as early as 3500 B.C.
Paraphrase: Pictograms found in various parts of the world are the earliest evidence of a written system despite the discovery of written symbols.
Problem: The paraphrase is incomplete. The dates are important here.
Edited Paraphrase: About 3500 s.c., two thousand years before written symbols were introduced in 1500 s.c., the first pictographic writing system appeared simultaneously in various regions of the known world.
Why is this better? Because the chronology is not clear without a time frame. The date solves this problem.
6. Original: The modern atmosphere is probably the fourth atmosphere in the history of the Earth.
Paraphrase: The modern atmosphere is probably the fourth atmosphere in the history of the Earth.
Problem: This is not a paraphrase. It is copied directly from the original.
Edited Paraphrase: In all likelihood, the Earth's current atmosphere was preceded by three earlier atmospheres.
Why is this better? Because copying directly from a source is the worst kind of plagiarism. Even when you are in a hurry, be sure that you are not copying.
7. Original: Whereas alcohol is a depressant, coffee is a stimulant.
Paraphrase: Alcohol is not like coffee.
Problem: This is not a paraphrase. It is too general.
Edited Paraphrase: Alcohol depresses the central nervous system, but coffee increases neural transmission.
Why is this better? Because details are necessary for a paraphrase to be specific. A general statement does not include enough information.
8. Original: The Pacific Basin, which includes the continent of Australia and the thousands of islands grouped together as Oceania, covers one third of the surface of the Earth.
Paraphrase: The Pacific Basin is also called Oceania because it encompasses one third of the Pacific Ocean.
Problem: This paraphrase changes the meaning of the original statement.
Edited Paraphrase: Australia and the islands of Oceania comprise the Pacific Basin, an area that encompasses about 33 percent of the Earth's surface.
Why is this better? Because this paraphrase retains the original meaning. The area is one third of the surface of the Earth, not one third of the Pacific Ocean.
9. Original: In fresco painting, the pigments may be mixed with water and applied to the plaster before it dries so that the lime in the plaster fuses with the pigments on the surface.
Paraphrase: The lime in wet plaster bonds with the pigments on the surface when the colors are mixed.
Problem: The paraphrase is incomplete. It does not identify the process as fresco painting.
Edited Paraphrase: The lime in wet plaster bonds with the colors on the surface when the paints are mixed for frescos.
Why is this better? Because the process described in the paraphrase is identified as fresco painting.
10. Original: As Linnaeus originally conceived the biological classification chart, he segregated all living creatures solely according to their degree of physical similarity.
Paraphrase: Linnaeus originally created the biological classification chart by categorizing all living creatures according to their degree of physical similarity.
Problem: The paraphrase is too much like the original. Too many words and phrases are repeated.
Edited Paraphrase: The Linnaean chart used to classify all biological species was initially created to categorize each specimen in conformity with its resemblance to other organisms.
Why is this better? Because the edited paraphrase retains the meaning of the original, but the words and phrases are different, and the grammatical structure is changed.
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